How Terim Met Zellas
Part 5: The Wedding
"Why that no good conniving womanizer," Zelas hissed, throwing a vase at the wall. "He tricked me into this. Me! A Mazoku! I'll rip out his entrails. Eat his heart. Feed his liver to my wolves."
Zelas stomped around the room, smoking up a storm. You couldn't really see the ceiling with all the smoke.
She stopped in front of the three panel mirror. "Does this dress make me look fat?"
Zelas was wearing a full train off the shoulder wedding dress of satin and lace. White ribbons and flowers were entwined in her long blond tresses. A large blue sapphire that matched her eyes was nestled in the silk choker around her neck.
Zelas blinked and spun away from the mirror. "Just what am I doing here?"
Because you said yes. Chibi-Zelas retorted in a bridesmaid dress.
Zelas growled. "And why are you dressed up?"
... Chibi-Zelas scratched her head. Change of subject. So what are you going to do now?
Zelas lit a new cigarette. "How the hell should I know?"
Try a new book. Chibi-Zelas hit Zelas over the head with said book.
"Watch it! It took hours to do my hair!" Zelas yelled. She took the book and sat down in front of the dresser. "How to get revenge volume III. So you screwed up and are now getting hitched. Lesson one, what did I warn you about? Did you listen? Noooooo. No, you just went and fell in love with the very person you're trying to kill. Great job."
If the book wasn't going to offer anything other than sarcasm, Zelas was going to burn it.
"Ahem. Well, all is not lost. You can still redeem yourself. Are you a Mazoku or a lovestruck girl?"
"A Mazoku of course!" Zelas said.
Lovestruck girl, Chibi-Zelas snorted.
"Back to the book. Well it's the day of the wedding and there are plenty of opportunities for revenge. The biggest of which is just not showing up. Not only do you cause untold embarrassment and heartbreak but there's also the huge financial loss...well maybe not for your situation. So why are you still sitting here reading?"
Of course! Why didn't she think of it earlier? Zelas picked up her skirts and opened the window.
Why don't you just teleport out? Chibi-Zelas asked.
"That would defeat the point of walking out," Zelas retorted. She looked down at the three story drop. "Actually, teleporting is looking to be a very good idea."
"Do not forsake me, oh my darling." She heard Terim sing with a guitar accompaniment. "On this, our wedding day."
Zelas hesitated. And someone knocked on the door of her dressing room.
Lovestruck girl, Chibi-Zelas sneered.
"Who is it?" Zelas opened the door to find one of Terim's card game friends holding a box.
"I'm sorry for disturbing you miss," Ashford tipped his head. "But Terim had something he wanted to ask you but tradition is that the groom can't see the bride before the wedding."
"Of course," Zelas watched several people come into her room, each of them bearing a box. "What is it?"
"He wanted to know which ring you wanted," Ashford said as they all opened their boxes revealing over a hundred different wedding rings.
Chibi-Zelas gagged and choked. How much money does this human have?
"Groom or Bride?" asked the usher.
"What?" Fibrizo pulled at the bowtie he was wearing.
"Bride," Gaav answered quickly.
"On the right side please," the usher pointed and muttered quietly to himself. "What a weird bunch of people."
Chaos Dragon Gaav, Hellmaster Fibrizo, and Deep Sea Dolphin chose seats in the back of the chapel. All were dressed up for the occasion though Dolphin was still fishing and Gaav refused to be parted with his sword. The three had sworn a truce for the time being.
"You're sure that Zelas is getting married?" Gaav looked at Fibrizo who couldn't see over the seats when he sat down.
"Yeah I heard it and recorded it," Fibrizo retorted, finally settling on sitting on the back of the seat to be able to see. "We're the only family she's got. So of course we should be here to attend her wedding."
Gaav crossed his arms. "I don't see Xelloss."
"Well, I don't think she wants anyone to know," Fibrizo grinned.
"Still you'd think he'd find out."
Back on Wolf Pack Island...
"Your silence means nothing! I will find out your secrets. Master Zelas gave me the job of interrogating you. It's useless to resist!"
The piece of wood was silent.
"Tough guy huh? Well then, let's see how you like... the Tongue Loosener!"
Xelloss brandished the small tweezers at the log. Sweatdrops sprouted on the bark. Manical laughter echoed through the keep.
Zelas was standing at the door. Just one push and freedom will open its path to her. Right on the other side of this door was the wide open world. She would turn her back on this entire fiasco, satisfied that she had left that human alone and heartbroken at the altar.
Taking a deep breath, she pushed open the doors.
Everyone looked expectantly at the bride.
Zelas nearly fell over. It was the wrong door.
The bridal march began to play and she had no choice to walk down the aisle.
Ashford, Terim's best man, elbowed his younger friend. "Told you she was a vision."
"Already knew that," Terim whispered back.
Gaav's and Fibrizo's jaws dropped when they saw Zelas walk by down the wedding aisle.
"Never saw her in a dress?" Dolphin murmured.
Gaav and Fibrizo shook their heads.
Pause.
"Did Dolphin just talk?" Gaav quietly asked Fibrizo.
"You look lovely," Terim smiled broadly at his bride.
Zelas was very glad that the veil hid her blushing. Chibi-Zelas kept mumbling about 'lovestruck girl'.
"I know you didn't invite anyone from your family but it seems that some of them made it."
Zelas froze and looked around. She was sure that Xelloss would be convinced of the importance of that plain old log that he wouldn't accidently show up.
Dolphin, Gaav, and Fibrizo waved from the back of the chapel.
Zelas groaned quietly. She was never going to hear the end of this.
"And now," began the priest with swirly line glasses and holding the holy book upside down. "Today we are here to mourn the passing of..."
Collective sweatdrops.
"Oh sorry that's the wrong one. Let's see," the priest turned the book around and flipped some pages. "Today we are here to celebrate the birth of-no. I know where the marriage vows are. Today we are here to join these two as ball and chain-"
"Ball and chain?" Fibrizo asked, legs dangling as he hung on the back of the seat in front of him.
"Never mind," Gaav replied.
"Oh here's the right one. Today we are here to join these two in holy matrimony..."
Since the priest finally got the right vow and because the authors don't know the rest of it, we'll just skip to the interesting part.
"Do you Terim Bartholemew Thomas Retroman etc. etc. Graywords take Zela Tallium to be you lawfully wedded wife, for sickness and for health, for richer and for poorer, for murder and suicide, despite numerous attempts on your life, abandoning you after your second child and taking over ten years to find afterwards, even though she has murdered millions and turns out to be a Mazoku Lord..."
Zelas and her other Mazoku Lords sprouted loose hairs.
The priest looked closely at the page. "Oh wait this is the page of prophecy. What the hell I know the rest anyway." He tossed the book behind him and hit a cat. No offense to cat lovers. "Well do you take her as your wife Terim?"
"I do."
"And do you Zela Tallium take this utterly perfect Terim etc. etc. Graywords as your husband?"
"I do n-" Zelas paused.
The Mazoku Lords leaned forward eagerly.
Chibi-Zelas jumped up and down. Do it! Say you won't marry him in front of everyone! Do it! Do it!
And let's take a look at Wolf Pack Island to see how everyone's favorite Trickster Priest is doing.
In a dark room, Xelloss settled back into a high back plush chair. The James Bond 007 theme was playing loudly.
"Ha ha ha. You may have gotten away from me before, Mr. Log," Xelloss said snidely like Doctor No from James Bond fame. "But not this time..."
The log is strapped to a table, dressed in a James Bond suit. A laser beam begins to cut the table in two. Try to imagine it.
Now back to the wedding.
"...not...wanttocalloffthismarriage!" Zelas blurted in a rush.
Gaav and Fibrizo fell to the ground laughing. Dolphin just smiled. Chibi-Zelas pulled out her hair.
The priest blinked. "I'll take that as an 'I do'. Now if anyone present has any reason why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace."
Gaav and Fibrizo, holding up sword and energy balls, glared meaningfully at the other side.
CRACK!
"Let me try that again," mumbled the shadow.
CRACK!
The priest scratched his head. "Actually, that stained glass window is three feet thick."
"That's one thick window," Terim remarked, arching an eyebrow. "Perhaps he should use the door."
"Good idea," said the shadow.
CRACK!
This time it was the doors that were broken from their hinges. Standing there was a man dressed entirely in black, a black mask covering the lower half of his face, and black hair defying gravity like in any anime. He pointed a clawed hand at Terim.
"Death comes a knocking, Terim!"
Terim crossed his arms and thought. "Actually, Death is a bit taller than you and he doesn't have any skin usually-"
"Enough! I'm here to kill you!"
"I'm just trying to point out the obvious, Zoom," Terim shrugged and turned to kiss his bride's hand. "I'm sorry dear. This will only take a moment."
Terim unbelted his sword and handed it to Ashford. It wasn't proper to fight an unarmed opponent with a weapon.
And since the authors are terrible at fight scenes, just imagine a mix of Jackie Chan and Jet Li martial arts combat. Several minutes of very cool and amazing fighting passed by.
"This is great!" Fibrizo stuffed another handful of buttered popcorn in his mouth. "I never knew weddings were this exciting."
Gaav nodded sipping his soft drink. "If I had known earlier, I wouldn't have burned down all of those wedding chapels."
Terim and Zoom got a bit too close to the altar in their fight and ended up in a rough and tumble with the ditzy priest.
Zelas was getting tired of this. So she pulled the oldest trick in the book again.
"What's that over there!" She pointed toward the broken doors. And everyone, even the Mazoku Lords, looked. Zelas lifted her dress a bit and punted Zoom through the three foot thick stained glass window.
"You're right dear," Terim turned back to look at Zelas. "I've never seen a door broken exactly like that."
Zelas sweatdropped.
"Now where did Zoom get to?"
"Oh, he just...left," Zelas looked around innocently.
"Really. I suppose then we can finish the wedding. Priest?"
The priest readjusted his glasses. "Continue? Of course, of course. Now let's see, we did the oaths. Does anyone else want to object to these two being wed?"
"Fine. Then I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride."
Zelas did not like the predatory smile that crossed Terim's face as he removed her veil. He swept her off of her feet and proceeded to kiss her quite thoroughly.
"Whoa. Deep kiss," Gaav commented, his large hand covering Fibrizo's eyes.
"I want to see! I want to see!" Fibrizo cried, trying to avoid Gaav's hand.
"You're too young."
"I'm older than all of you!"
Gaav didn't hear him. "You know, now this makes Dolphin the old maid."
Dolphin whacked both of them over the head with her fishing pole and then fried them.
The rest of the wedding was a blur and soon the newly weds were riding off to their honeymoon in a 'Just Married' carriage. And instead of the usual string of cans following the carriage, there were three Mazoku Lords on a three person bicycle. First was Gaav doing most of the pedaling. Second was Fibrizo who was too short to even reach the pedals and instead sang "We Will Follow Them", an altered version of "I Will Follow You". And third was Dolphin fishing in a bucket tied to the end of the bicycle.
"Too bad Dynast didn't come," Fibrizo remarked in between refrains of the song.
Up in the North Pole, Dynast sneezed. It was damn cold up there and his armor had been frozen in place since the Kouma War.
"Sherra!" he called for his general. "Get me a can opener! I'm getting out of here and to some place warm."
The priest watched the newly married couple and the singing trio following them. He pulled off his glasses and looked up into the sky.
"That certainly went well, don't you think? L-sama." Lei asked.
